When people ask where I’m from, I often don’t have a simple answer. I might mention my Keralite heritage, but truth be told, my identity is way more than that. Despite having roots in Kerala, I didn’t grow up there so I can’t commit to that one answer. I’m a Malayali at heart—at least I would like to think so—but when it comes to traditions like outfits, language, and even the way we think or interpret many situations, I often feel like I’m on the outside looking in.
Growing up in Qatar among other NRIs (Non-Resident Indians), I’ve always felt a strong connection to where I come from, but never quite immersed in them. My visits to Kerala during summer vacations were the times when I felt the most connected to home. The land known for its coconut trees and backwaters, the engaging conversations in Malayalam, and of course the annoying mosquito bites were both comforting and alien (well not the mosquito bites lol). Despite these ties, I have often felt more like a foreigner than a native.
In Qatar, my identity is even more nuanced. I’m not a Qatari. This is definitely due to the fact that I’m mostly surrounded by people from my own community and country, living in a bubble full of expats. My upbringing in this mix of cultures has definitely turned me into someone who goes beyond their genetic makeup. It’s a blend of influences and cultures showcasing one thing: nature and nurture play significant roles in shaping who we become.
My parents made a significant effort to keep me connected to Malayalam, but it soon became a blend of English and Malayalam—a fusion that mirrors myself. So now comes the debate of nature vs. nurture. Are we shaped more by our genetic inheritance or by the environment in which we grow up? Personally, I lean towards nurture. While our roots provide a sense of identity, our core values come from where we grow up and what we experience.
Judith Rich Harris’s book, The Nurture Assumption, explores this idea, arguing that our environment and interactions have a profound impact on who we become. For me, growing up in Qatar exposed me to diverse cultures that influenced my worldview in ways that my genetic heritage alone could not have predicted. My parents set the foundation, but the multicultural environment around me added layers to my perspective.
Now we don’t live in the stone age right? Social media is an active participant in influencing our ideologies or behaviours! Our feeds are more than just distractions—as we scroll through reels or posts, we’re exposed to new ideas and trends, like the “clean girl aesthetic” with its sleek, minimalist style or the latest desi fashion trends that blend traditional with modern.
So what sort of conclusion can I come to?
Well, I initially leaned towards nurture but I’ve come to realise that there isn’t a straightforward answer. It’s not just about nature or nurture; it’s about answering one question
How do you want to define yourself?
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