What if the very thing that we thought was our brightest beacon of virtue—honesty—ended up cutting deeper than what we ever meant with our blade of truth?
I was brought up to be honest, that truth was the basis of trust, and trust is everything. I believed it and of course, in many ways, I still do. But experience has taught me that honesty—while admirable—isn't always the best policy. Many a time, the line between truth and tact isn't well-demarcated, and the stakes may often be higher than we otherwise realise in the heat of a moment.
There have been so many instances when I have been right in the middle of some argument, my emotions churning like a storm, my mind racing with all the things that might be said. You know, that feeling that your thoughts are screaming to be let out, and the truth—your truth—is right there, about to come rolling off your tongue? Those are the times when telling the truth feels very nearly like a reflex, something we just cannot suppress.
But should you?
One time I didn't. I let the truth fly sharp and unfiltered, thinking somehow honesty would clear the air. But the words that seemed necessary in that half second now seemed cruel. I watched as hurt spread across the other person's face, and that’s when I realised about the power of words—their ability to wound as much as they can heal. Once spoken, no words can ever be taken back, no matter how much you want to.
Very often, honesty is misunderstood to mean being straightforward, AKA, having no filter. We think of it as laying all our cards on the table. What we usually overlook is that there are some truths that need not be spoken; truths that have absolutely no functional value, other than to soothe our need to win an argument or to assuage our conscience. The line between being brutally honest and careless with our words is thin, and if I were you, I would be very, very careful not to cross that.
Do people really want to hear the truth? Sure we do—theoretically. I mean, oftentimes, truth is just what we want to hear. And when it is not, it turns out to be more than what we bargained for.
Think about those times you wanted to speak your mind unfiltered, to say what you were really thinking. Perhaps it was a critique, an acerbic observation or something that feels like it just needed to be said. But once those words are out in the open, oh boy, that is a sharp jab in the heart, and there's no taking them back! Ultimately, you're not just the guy who told the truth—you're the jerk who didn't know when to bite your tongue. At those moments, you may find yourself realising that, in that case, ignorance might have been bliss.
Modern version of Lady Justice holding the scale of Honesty
This reminds me of the movie Liar Liar. In it, Fletcher, a lawyer who is cursed to have to tell the truth for 24 hours because of his son's wish, learns that his brutally honest remarks do more harm than good. In one scene, he tells his boss what he really thinks of her...yikes. Now blisteringly funny as it was, this was a disaster. It cost him not only a career in jeopardy but also problems in relationships. Here, the truth was more of a wrecking ball than anything constructive.
Then comes the guilt, second-guessing, replaying the conversation over and over in your head. Even when honesty feels justified, there's usually a part of you that wonders if it was worth it—if maybe, just maybe, the truth could have waited, or been softened, or even left unsaid.
At the end of the day, honesty becomes a sort of tool—it's how one uses it. There are times to be truthful but there are also times when the truth is a burden—perhaps not worth laying it upon someone else's shoulders. Honesty is important, but so is kindness. And sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to keep your truth to yourself. But then again… perhaps, just perhaps, there are some truths that need telling—no matter the cost. The question then is, when that moment comes,
will you speak your truth or bite your tongue?
Honesty is not always the best policy after all!!